Taking the time to go back over Steve's interviews
Going back over the key statements that Steve has said in interview articles:
I’m fortunate to have smart friends who believe in me, - See more here.
lets just say I was lucky to have a good friend introduce me to the best team I could have asked for… - See more here.
This is the story I’ve been aching to tell my most of my life… the universal story of longing to be loved…it is what I hold dearest to me. - See more here.
BUT my story would never have seen the light of day were it not for the people I have listed above, many of whom asked for nothing in return. - See more here.
'Essentially I was just seeing a therapist, a clinical psychologist. I don’t want to bash my therapist even though I’ve come to really believe that homosexuality is not a bad thing, or sinful, and not something that God wants you to rid yourself of, because I still have a lot of respect for him. He was a good man.' - See more here.
'At the same time, part of the therapy was dealing with my attraction to men. You’ll hear all these things about what ex-gay therapy is like, but in my situation my therapist believed that homosexuality was the result of unmet needs in childhood.' - See more here.
Whatever one thinks about that philosophy, Steve sure had lots of unmet needs in childhood. He is your poster boy example of this. And that once those needs are justified as needing to be met in not just straight men as mentors and role models, but in gay sex… and that all can happen well before he got into the counseling. That’s what one of the messages is today in our society. ‘ah, have those unmet needs, must be you’re gay; you were born gay, so just affirm it, then you can go and find even straight guys who you can kiss and pursue your unrequited love for straight acting guys with them’.
The biggest thank-you I can give is continuing to be honest through my music and wearing my heart on my sleeve.
TBL: You’ve used a few different monikers over the years. You released a couple videos covering Lady Gaga songs like “You and I” and “Marry the Night” under the name Steve Starchild. You modeled as Steve Chatham. Now you’re Steve Grand
SG: I’m a genuine person and I can’t help it! I’m a terrible liar. I gave up on trying to lie. I decided there’s no other way for me. I just have to be completely true to myself and that’s why it’s such a big deal for me to come up there and even just use my real name. That’s a really big deal for me. I wasn’t sure how people would respond to the video; things on the internet never go away. I knew that my modeling pictures that I did previously — which I am absolutely not ashamed of! I don’t regret them or think they’re a bad thing; the human body is something to be celebrated — would come up. I’ve gone through many evolutions, and for awhile I used the name Steve Starchild as a cover artist.
I wasn’t “out” on the internet, but there were debates about it, and it was no mystery. I got messages asking if I was gay, and I wasn’t comfortable saying I was gay. It was something that hadn’t been talked about in my family for a long time, and I work at four different churches [as a musician]! That’s my source of income.
SG: The biggest deal for me and why I made all these posts about “This is me being real” — These last couple of years I’ve struggled to come to terms with myself, like, “Am I going to be an artist? Is this a risk I want to take? Who will I be as an artist?” It’s all I thought about. I thought about it for hours. I would study other artists and think, “Who am I? What is my message?” A lot of it had to do with self-discovery and the more I learned about myself as a man and a a gay man. It became clearer to me who I needed to be, and who I needed to be was there all along. It was a matter of digging through things. Some people are blessed; they know who they are without a doubt. They go through life relatively un-conflicted. I’m on the opposite end of that. I struggled with my identity, and not just my sexual orientation. In any way a person can struggle with identity, I have. It’s been very painful and been very taxing. It’s really driven me crazy, not knowing who I am or where I stand. I remember crying to friends or my partner at the time. I remember saying, “I don’t know what I think about anything.” I was so consumed by the voices I grew up hearing, like the voices of my parents telling me I need to change — and I was in straight therapy for five years.
SG: Essentially I was just seeing a therapist, a clinical psychologist. I don’t want to bash my therapist even though I’ve come to really believe that homosexuality is not a bad thing, or sinful, and not something that God wants you to rid yourself of, because I still have a lot of respect for him. He was a good man. He helped me with a lot of things. He really changed my life in a lot of positive ways. At the same time, part of the therapy was dealing with my attraction to men. You’ll hear all these things about what ex-gay therapy is like, but in my situation my therapist believed that homosexuality was the result of unmet needs in childhood. That led to homosexuality. Homosexuality was the symptom of unmet needs in childhood. Not getting love and affirmation from your father, that’d be one of those things. Some of [this therapy] was actually helpful — I was able to talk to someone, he was so compassionate, and he really believed in me. We just ended up having a completely different perspective.
My parents kept me very sheltered growing up. They didn’t let us listen to radio. We didn’t have cable. The TV was never on. Video games were highly discouraged and we were made to feel guilty about playing video games. I had no connection to the world. I was involved in sports as a very young boy, but that wasn’t something I was really excited about. I really struggled to connect with kids. That’s why art entered my life. It was something I could do where I didn’t need anybody. I felt this horrible ache and felt really lonely. Through song, through writing, that was my therapy. That’s what kept me going all these years. I really believed making music saved my life through all those years.
That’s not a bad deal for a guy who blew his entire savings on making the video (“I got my first credit card and immediately maxed it out,” he told us) and fretted for weeks about how his all-American effort would be received (“I was so nervous — I was shaking.”)
It’s also a story of not just gay people; it’s also about our straight brothers and sisters. It’s about that horrible ache when you long for someone you know you can’t have. It’s especially an occurrence in the gay community because most of us grew up in a straight world. At some point or another, we crush on a guy. We crush on our best friend.
SG: I had many years of that, starting with Boy Scout camp. I had a crush on a counselor there. That’s when it all started, back when I think I was 12 or 13 years old. He was probably a teenager, but he seemed a lot older to me. At that age, you have no perspective. Anyone 16 and older is like a grownup. That was what started it all. That was the first time I had that feeling, that horrible ache, as we drove away. I didn’t want to leave. He was a straight man, but he made me feel special in a way. He took me under his wing and it was really powerful. I felt like I haven’t had a lot of men in my life do that. Feeling that masculine energy and being embraced by this older cool guy, taking a liking to me and thinking I’m cool, being totally unthreatened by me — it changed my life. I remember on the drive home, that’s actually when I realized, “Holy sh*t. Wait. I’m gay.” That was it. It was the hardest thing in the world. I had no one to go to with it. I hated myself for it. I grew up in the Catholic church, and Catholicism was an important part of my family and tradition. I felt like I was letting everyone down. There was a point where I was suicidal. I felt like there was no way I could be gay, that I’d rather be dead than be gay.
Seriously he says nothing about any sexual arousal. And if he grew up that sheltered, then he didn’t have any reference points to understand very natural, not homosexual, feelings. So, he did the classic thing of defining himself as gay, when it wasn’t about sexual attraction, but about relational attraction. So, in the end he didn’t buy the position that his counselor presented to him as to why he had those feelings, because he sexualized those feelings. So, then to go from that story to wanting to take the clothes off this friend and go this road tonight….
SG: There’s always been that man in my life, a little older, someone who takes me under his wing. It’s that smart, confident, unthreatened heterosexual man. I think the world is changing very quickly and straight men are changing very quickly. I think Nick [Alan, the actor in the role] perfect embodied that message. He’s so confident with himself that it’s really not a big deal to kiss a dude. He’s so not threatened by gay people or homosexuality or kissing another man, as you’ve seen in the video, and I think that’s the future. That’s what I think is unique about the story. I see some people commenting with, “Oh, another story about a gay man chasing a straight man.” It is a universal story and it’s been told many times, but what makes it different is, just look at the way Nick responded. Look how he still wanted to be friends with me after.
This is the part I get so angry about. (I need to change my Neil to Nick. I goofed here). And the reason that Nick Alan is comfortable kissing another man is because he does this and does oral sex with men on Fratmen.TV. That’s the whole point that pisses me off. So, he is so unthreatened by homosexuality that he does oral sex with guys. And what do we define as straight vs. gay in our culture….? Seriously, look at the way Nick responds…., when he already is doing gay-for-pay porn. So, it’s not about Nick being an actor here, it’s about Nick being Nick himself. So, if he didn’t know Nickolas Alan before, how did he partner up with him to do the video?
SG: No one really saw anything since it was really just my butt. Nick saw everything, and he just laughed.
Of course Nick would laugh, he has already been doing gay porn and Steve doesn’t want to show his penis.
That final kissing scene, they kept telling me, “We got it.” I said, “No. We need to do it again. Nick, we need to do it again, and you need to not be repulsed. This is the new all-American boy, being so comfortable with yourself that you’re not threatened.” We did it again, and that was the footage we ended up using.
I mean, seriously, look at what Steve is saying. He wants to kiss a gay porn star again. And make sure a gay porn star doesn’t portray that he is repulsed by kissing a gay guy. And that is what he wants to say is the new all-American boy? So, why does he portray Nick as a seemingly straight gay? Why doesn’t he just come out and say in his interviews that he didn’t chose an actor who actually was what he was trying to represent. Unless of course he is saying that Nick’s character was already known by his girlfriend to be a gay-for-pay porn star.
SG: I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but there’s been some debate about how the song is categorized. They’re wondering if it qualifies as a country song. I never thought of myself as a country artist. I think labeling it kind of takes the life out of it. I want people to call it what they want. In many ways, it’s country. It’s storytelling, and that’s what country is and what country music comes down to.
And, finally, here. Like other genres of music are not also storytelling? I don’t even know how the media got the idea to call his music video a country song. Of course Steve never thought of himself as a country artist. He doesn’t sing country music. So, again, the same deception as with who Nick Alan really is.
So, the reality is title of the articles should have been, a rock-ballad music video with a gay man telling his story about feeling unrequited love for a straight gay-for-pay porn star guy.
So, we go from Steve defining the music video as ‘It’s rock and pop deep-fried in a little bit of a country’ to the media saying this is the first gay country music star.
SG: I’m a genuine person and I can’t help it! I’m a terrible liar. I gave up on trying to lie. I decided there’s no other way for me. I just have to be completely true to myself and that’s why it’s such a big deal for me to come up there and even just use my real name.
Yeah, but not to also be honest about who Nick Alan is in his modeling/acting career. Even Nick would probably say he is a straight guy, who just does straight guy gay porn. So, this is what Steve wants us to see as the new All-American Boy?
Is that what the general public thinks after seeing the video?
I say it hurts even the gay agenda cause.